


First

by Somniysc



Series: Solace [3]
Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-16
Updated: 2016-06-16
Packaged: 2018-07-15 09:19:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7216666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Somniysc/pseuds/Somniysc
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A short drabble based on my headcanon of Xander's first time killing someone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	First

Drip. Splash.

 

 _Warm_.

 

It had been so sudden, that moment.  The breath between life and death slipping by before there was even a chance for him to understand what had just happened.  Xander felt the world tremble - _or was it just him?_ \- and blinked slowly, dumbly.

 

The scarlet light of the lamp cast an ominous atmosphere, flickering unsteadily in an aberrant dance.  He was, dimly, aware of the cooling wetness that had seeped into his clothes, staining his body.  It felt heavy.

 

In his mind was the distant awareness of... _something_.  He struggled to grasp hold of it, feeling it slip quickly away every time he seemed close to finding out what it was.  The blade his father had gifted him only a few days before, was slippery in his grasp.   _Was it supposed to be like this?_  

He bent down, his hand shaking, and pulled the soaked cloth off their face.  Brown tresses bounced, shining faintly in the low light, and Xander found himself staring at a set of familiar features.  Metal clattered against stone as he found himself backing away, quickly, his gasping pants too loud in his ears.  Hot tears stung his eyes, while his stomach churned sickly.  He wanted it to just be a dream.  A terrible one, perhaps, but...he was sure...it would have been better than _reality_.

 

A small, joyless laugh rose from his chest, mingling with his sobs.  He kneeled before the body, clutching his arms.  Already, his hand felt cakey, the blood crusting around the shape that the sword hilt had made against his palm.  He was still shuddering; from _what_ , he was unsure.

  
The logical side of him understood, however, with a chilling clarity.  This was something he had to – no, he _must_ – become used to.  It was unfortunate that the first time had to come when he was _unprepared_.  It was also unfortunate, that the first time had to wear a familiar face.  

 

But that rational side was still small, _still weak_ , and Xander gained no relief from it. He would sleep that night, surely, but it would not be a restful one.

 

Nor, perhaps, would it be restful for many days after.

**Author's Note:**

> Just stretching my writing muscles! Feel free to tell me if anything sounds weird, I'm always open for critique. It's been a while since I've seriously written anything, and I'm probably really rusty.


End file.
